Dear Villy,
So one day I had a long day of being drunk in nightclubs (three times), being lost in some maze (twice), I voted (for what I don't know as I was still drunk from the night clubs), and mining (which you should never be drunk while doing).
I decide to go to do my streets and it was actually going very well at first and I was doing good, finding all sorts of money when suddenly that piece of crap lycan (no offense) hops out and robs me. He does it like four times in a row.
So that was like the straw for me. I was ready to be done with my daily tasks. I needed some release. and bad!
I go home (Abandoned Church btw) to my wife. I give her a bouquet of roses and take her out on a moonlit walk. The date went great and when we got home (Abandoned Church btw), I light some candles, and put on some edible underwear. I start playing some real good music and massaging her.
Everything is going great, and I was starting to forget about how crappy my day was when I go to sleep with her and apparently I am too tired to do so.
Vill, I tried everything. I smacked it, I drank some B negative blood, donated to the elders, and smacked it again, I tried using a taser on it, but no matter what I did, I was still too tired to do the deed.
Now Villain, I have only been married to this girl for like a week or so, and from what I am told, with everything I did that day from mining to to voting, supposedly supposed to be what I do every day, I can't keep having days like this. She'll end up leaving me or something. I mean she's already been married 5 times.
My one friend says that communication and compromise are the key to any happy and successful relationship and that I should talk to the wife about it and we could come up with a solution together as a couple, but what do you think?
Regards,
Sleeping On the Job
Dear Sleeping On the Job,
First off, for future reference... don't insult the person you are asking for advice from. WTF man. Really? You had to snub me on how your house is better than mine... twice? Lucky for you I am in a good mood cause there are some good recipes in the forums and I am eating like a king, or else I would solve your problem by giving your wife to Gravy Train as a sex slave. Instead I will still give you the advice you seek.......
Your friend doesn't know what the hell they are talking about. Communication? Compromise!? These sort of things weren't necessary in cave people times, and look how they turned out.
Usually when you enter those two "C" words, they make a third one... complications. I mean right off the bat we lose because women like to use things like words and feelings, while we like to communicate using only a series of grunts and butt slaps. So talking to her about this is out of the question.
You also have other problems than you know. 5 times? She has been married 5 times? Good luck with that my friend. If that fails, you know DR has a section in the newspaper for personal ads (don't ask how I know that)
For right now, my advice is keep doing your dailies. The good news is if you found yourself too tired to sleep with your wife, chances are she got horny while you were sleeping and got you before you got her.
If you want that extra kick though, and you want to get to it more often than once a day, here's the secret: Slayer's Blood.
Pour like a drop of it on your... ummm... "Deed Doer" and you should be good to go. ONLY A DROP. I can't stress that enough. Tai startled me while I was applying it once and I spilt like half a vial on it. After Tai, I dry humped my dumpster for what had to be 12 hours, effectively putting hole in it that caused all the garbage to fall out.
Come to think of it, maybe that was the real reason the city took my dumpster away from me... and then charged me with public indecency... and how the dumpster was able to file rape charges against me... I don't know. But I do know you have to be careful with that stuff.
Also, always wear protection. Personally, I always wear a football helmet, sometimes shoulder pads, but it is up to you.
Still humping and advising,
Villy
Villain is in no way shape or form a licensed therapist. As a matter of fact, he has been court ordered, in addition to community service hours, to see a licensed therapist. This is also for entertainment. So please do not take this seriously and get all offended and what like. Instead, go to your nearby convenience store and buy a sense of humor. Then learn to laugh. Then get laid, cause we should all be getting laid.
***If after all that, you still would like the advice of Villain Masari, please private message him here, or in DR and who knows? Your letter may be featured here.***
